


One Night

by Skylark62



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:23:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylark62/pseuds/Skylark62
Summary: An undercover operation which Amanda Rollins is playing a prostitute goes wrong, and Rafael Barba is sent in to save the day. But this results in not only his relationship with Amanda Rollins changing, but could it also lead to him getting what he really wants - a relationship with Sonny Carisi?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've just realised it's been a year since I last posted a fic - I'm sorry and vow to do better this year. This was in my head long before I wrote it down, and although it starts as Barba/Rollins, it ends up Barba/Carisi. It is finished, and I intend to post all 4 chapters within the next week. Feedback is always appreciated. 
> 
> It's set during season 18 when Barba was on suspension, and I've pretended Jesse doesn't exist, as I would hope as a mother that Rollins wouldn't put herself in such a dangerous situation. Although I've put rape/non-con in the warnings, it isn't actually rape that occurs, as both parties consent, but it's close enough that I felt the warning was warranted.

Fin had had a bad feeling about this operation since it was first suggested. He agreed that the scumbag known by the name Marcus needed to be taken down, hard and fast, but not about how they should go about doing it. The sex trafficker had all his girls under an iron fist and none of them would consider testifying, so they needed another route. Then they heard that unlike most traffickers, he also had a sideline of catering for older clientele, who had plenty of money and were happy to use it to get what they wanted.  Many of them didn’t want teenaged girls, but slightly older, more sophisticated ones. It had been decided that this was their way in. The brass were keen to have a big win to bolster their flagging reputation, and the ADA who was temporarily minding SVU while Barba was on suspension was also happy to have them catch a big fish under his watch.

Amanda Rollins had of course jumped at the chance to throw herself in danger and had volunteered. She was about the right age to fit in, and the blonde hair and southern accent all made her a good candidate. Fitting her into the club where the girls were picked from wasn’t difficult either. But they hadn’t known enough about the operation to know what would happen to the girls to break them in before they were given to the rich older men they were destined to end up with. Now they were finding out, when it was too late to pull her out.

The seedy club was pretty quiet, it being a Tuesday night, and Marcus was ensconced inside, checking over his latest acquisitions. Many of them were on drugs and pretty pliable, but judging by what they could hear from the audio in Rollins’s earring bug, he had either noticed she was different to the others, or he fancied her himself. Either way, she had attracted his attention, and that was not good.

“You think you’re something special, don’t you? Too good for this work. Well you’re just a slut like the others, and now you’re mine.” They could hear the sounds of a slap followed by a gasp.

“You will do as I say, or I’ll have to teach you some manners,” they heard snarled quite close to the microphone.

They heard Rollins’ reply clearly; “I don’t think you’ll get much for me if I’m bruised. I may be a whore, but I’m not a slut. I say who and when, and I work for myself.”

“Not any more, you don’t. Bruises heal, and anyway there are other ways to do this. I’ll enjoy taking you, and letting my friends here have a turn as well. You’ll be begging for a rich old man who needs Viagra to get it up after that.”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I’ll be good.” They could hear the fear in her voice.

“You’ve still got to be punished. I’ll give you an hour, but then you’re fucking someone - a customer in here or me. If you cause me no more trouble in the meantime I’ll let you decide who.”

They could hear Rollins’ quiet “shit,” into the microphone easily.

This sparked a fierce debate amongst the detectives. Carisi wanted to go in, guns blazing and get her out of there. But they didn’t actually have anything solid on Marcus, and pulling Rollins out would ruin the work they had done, and make it much less likely they would be able to get him again. Even ignoring that, he had so many goons with him, all armed, that it was unlikely that they would be able to pull it off without major casualties. Liv ruled it out immediately.

There was silence as they considered the only other option open to them.

Fin spoke up. “It’s a shame Amaro moved to LA. We could have done with him right about now.”

Liv nodded. “Yes, but he’s not here, and both of you were in the club today and were seen, so neither of you can go in. Is she seeing anyone?”

Carisi shook his head. “Not that she’s mentioned, and she usually would say.”

“Well we’re out of options.” Liv said, before answering her cell, which had started to ring.

Fin watched her face fall, and winced as she swore when she ended the call. That wasn’t like her.

“Okay, change of plan. It looks like we will have to get her out of there, one way or another. That was the lab; they have tested the semen and the other girls as part of the screening at the hospital. Marcus is HIV positive, and by the looks of things, he usually sleeps with most of the women before passing them on to his clients. Most of them are infected. We can’t risk Rollins, and we know there is no way she will pick a customer at the club.”

“You just said it wasn’t possible to raid the club, Liv.” Fin commented.

She glared at him. “Well come up with a better suggestion then! We can’t risk her contracting HIV. That wasn’t what she signed up for with this operation. We need to think outside the box.”

Carisi coughed. “So we need someone who hasn’t been seen at the club to pose as a customer, who Rollins knows would be safe to pick, and who lives close enough to here to get in there in the next 45 minutes. I can think of someone, if he’s at home.”

The younger detective didn’t say anything more, by just stared at Liv. Fin wasn’t sure who he was meaning, but he could tell that Carisi was just waiting for Liv to catch on. It took a minute, but she did, he could tell by the way her eyes widened.

“You’re kidding aren’t you, Carisi,” Liv exclaimed. Fin could see the younger detective color.

“Well you said to think outside the box,” he said, defending himself.

Liv got out her cell. “Well let’s see if he’s even at home before we go too far down this rabbit hole.’

She pressed a speed dial number and within seconds the call was answered.

“Hi. It’s Liv. Are you at home?”

They couldn’t hear the answer, but Liv smiled.

“You are? Great. We’re in a bit of a pickle here and need your help.” She stepped away from the others and started explaining the situation.

Fin stared at Carisi.

“Who is she speaking to?” He asked.

“Barba,” the younger detective answered.

Fin could feel his jaw drop. That he hadn’t expected.

***

Barba was getting a headache already from just hearing what trouble SVU had gotten themselves into with him on suspension. He couldn’t see why ADA Harrison had agreed with this hair-brained scheme, even though he was ambitious, and wanting to make the most of being given this shot with SVU. He also couldn’t believe he was really contemplating doing what Liv had asked him to do. She had explained the situation and why a raid had been ruled out, but surely there must be another way out of this situation?”

Still, he got in the Uber and was dropped off a block from the club, and spotted the undercover van that the detectives were using. He rapped quickly on the door before he could change his mind, and the door was opened by Liv.

He walked into the van and glared at the detectives assembled.

“Whose stupid idea was this undercover operation?” He asked, looking round at them.

Carisi and Fin both stayed silent, and he looked to Liv for his answers.  

“I hardly think now is the time for recriminations or blame. Let’s get Rollins out of this mess first,” Liv said.

He sighed. “And whose idea was it to get me involved in this?” He looked at Liv for the answer, and she pointedly looked at Carisi, and he put his fiercest gaze on the young detective, who wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Surely you have someone else you could get to go in there. What’s wrong with either of you?” He bit out, waving at Fin and Carisi.

“They were interviewing in the club earlier, so are both known by the staff working. There wasn’t anyone else to ask. We’ve just found out that Marcus is HIV positive, and has infected most of the girls. We can’t risk him putting Rollins at risk, and we know she won’t put a member of the public in the situation of breaking the law by picking someone she doesn’t know. If you go in there, she will know why and pick you.”

“Great. And then what do you expect me to do?” He knew very well what was needed, but if he was going to have to do this, the least they could do was verbalize it to him.

He could see Liv steel herself to reply. “You would be going in undercover as a John who was going to pick up a prostitute. That’s what you would do. Hopefully Marcus will let you go somewhere private so you can act out the part without either of you being compromised.”

“And if not?...” he asked.

“If not, you do what you have to do to convince Marcus that Rollins is a prostitute.”

He sighed. “I thought you always told cops going undercover not to sleep with prostitutes.”

“Yes, whenever possible they should avoid it, but not at the risk of their lives. Anyway, you’re not a cop and Rollins isn’t a prostitute. If you sleep with her it isn’t illegal as you will both be undercover.”

“Very comforting,” he commented sarcastically. “I don’t sleep with women who have no choice. She can hardly give consent in this situation.”

Liv sighed. “I know this isn’t a good situation for any of us, but you going in there will give her more choice than she currently has. Right now she has none.”

He considered it for another minute. He really didn’t want to do this, but there was no way he could say no, not knowing the full picture of what Rollins was facing.

“Okay then.”

Liv smiled at him. “Thanks.”

Carisi came up to him and gave him a handful of cash which he put in his wallet, while Fin attached a small button microphone to his jacket collar.

“At least you look the part,” Carisi joked.

Barba turned on him. “You think I look like a man who needs to pay for sex, Carisi?”

The young detective faltered. “No, I don’t mean it like that. Just that you will fit in better in that club looking like you do now, rather than how you usually look.”

Barba glanced down at his jeans and leather jacket and knew with his beard growing out, what the detective said was true. It didn’t mean he was going to admit that though.

“I have never even considered paying for sex. What is the going rate anyway for these girls?”

Liv answered. “Offer $250, and be prepared to go as high as $400 for sex.”

“Wouldn’t I be better asking for a blow job? Easier to fake and less intimate.”

Barba could feel Carisi’s eyes on him, but ignored it.

Liv shook her head. “No. Marcus said she had to fuck someone, so if you don’t do it, then he probably will later. Hopefully he won’t want sloppy seconds.”

He winced. “Should I take condoms?”

Liv smirked. “Don’t you have any in your wallet?”

Barba gave her a withering look. “No I don’t usually carry them around with me.”

She looked around the van. “Well we didn’t bring any with us. Do either of you have any with you?” She looked round at Fin and Carisi, who glanced at each other and then got out their wallets, both taking out foil packets which they gave to Barba.

“Two Carisi? You are optimistic,” he snarked.

Carisi grinned. “Always be prepared, I say. Plus I’m young and virile.”

Barba rolled his eyes before tucking the packets into his wallet.

He stopped before leaving the van. “If I have to... I really don’t know what I need to do to look convincing. I’m not an actor.”

Fin was the one that answered this time. “If Marcus won’t let you go somewhere private then you will have to go through with it. If he catches you faking, he’ll probably kill both of you. Just remember that you are meant to be paying for it, so just go for it, take what you want and don’t bother with any foreplay. Johns don’t care for the woman’s pleasure, just their own.”

Barba could feel himself coloring at this conversation, but was glad it was Fin and not Liv or Carisi who had responded. He nodded once then headed out of the van and into the club.

***

Amanda was trying not to panic. She had known this operation would be risky before she had agreed to it, but she had never suspected it would get this bad, this fast. She watched the clock anxiously. She knew if the club was to be raided it would be soon, but she doubted they would do that with all the girls there. Marcus hadn’t said anything incriminating enough for a warrant, and she could see all of Marcus’s men were heavily armed.

She was steeling herself to actually having to go through with this. She couldn’t proposition a customer of the club. Even though most of them were the type that would pay for sex, she couldn’t put them in the position of setting them up to do an illegal act, even if she wanted to sleep with any of them, which she didn’t. Of course she didn’t want to have sex with Marcus either, but it looked like she wasn’t going to get a choice.

A man entering the club caught her eye, and she watched him walk to the bar and order a drink. A large whiskey was put in front of him, and she saw him tip it back and drink it in one mouthful. He looked vaguely familiar. The man asked for another, and just took a sip of that before turning to look round the club.

When their eyes met, she recognized him. Her eyes widened before she looked down, before any of Marcus’ men could see her reaction. Her mind was racing. What was Barba doing here? The thought only flitted through her mind before she answered it herself. Of course, she had heard Carisi and Fin had already been in the club today, so couldn’t be sent in. Barba was the only option of a man she worked with who could quickly be read into the operation.

But still... her mind went over what was likely to happen. Surely he hadn’t agreed to sleep with her to save her from Marcus?

A few minutes later she was pulled forward by Marcus. “Time’s up. What’s your choice?”

Amanda smiled at him. “Can I have a look at my options before deciding?” She asked coyly.

Marcus frowned, before waving her ahead. She sauntered to the bar, swaying her hips, and saw Barba watching her every move. She shook her hair back and smiled at him.

“Hi honey. Like what you see?” She asked in a honeyed tone of voice.

“Yeah I do,” he answered. “I’d like to see more.”

She giggled. “More will cost you…” She stood between his spread legs and toyed with the collar of his jacket.

“How much?” He asked.

“$350 for a trip you’ll always remember,” she purred, nibbling on his earlobe.

“Make it $250 and you’ve got a deal.”

“$300. I’m worth it, I promise.” She slid one hand up his thigh as she moved in closer.

She saw Barba swallow hard before nodding. “Okay, $300. Is there somewhere we can go?”

Amanda stepped back and took his hand, leading him towards the back area of the club. One of Marcus’s men stepped in front of the door leading to the private rooms.

“The back rooms are out of order,” Marcus said from behind them. “I’m afraid you will have to make do with the pool room.” He waved to the deserted smaller room dominated by a pool table.

“I prefer somewhere private,” Barba said, but Marcus shook his head.

“I’m sorry, but no can do. This is one of my newest girls. I need to keep an eye on her. I can offer you a discount though for the lack of privacy. You can have her for $250, which was your original offer I believe?”

Amanda could feel Barba’s hand sweating in her own, and squeezed it.

He glanced at her and then nodded.

“Okay.” He got out his wallet and passed $250 to Marcus, and then Amanda led him to the pool room. She kept their heads close together so she could whisper so only he could hear.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She muttered.

“Saving your ass. Liv couldn’t risk a raid and Marcus is HIV positive and doesn’t play safe. She decided I was a better option,” Barba replied as he kissed the side of her neck, pulling her close to him.

Amanda went cold at hearing that and froze. Luckily Barba covered for her, and ran his hands down her torso, staring at her cleavage, exposed by the push up bra under the skimpy dress. He leaned in close again and continued to speak in a low tone.

“I can do this, if you want me to. But you need to consent.” He caught her eyes and she nodded, before verbally confirming it for the sake of the audio. It wasn’t something she even needed to think about. She trusted him, and if he was willing to do this for her...

She glanced around and could see Marcus watching from the doorway. There was no way they could fake this. She put her hand on Barba’s chest, and then ran it down his torso until she reached his belt, and slowly undid it, then the button and zipper.

She heard him breathe in deeply, and felt him push the top of her dress down, giving him access to her breasts. He fondled one, pulling the nipple between his finger and thumb, then moved his other hand to her back to undo her bra. He pulled it away from her breasts with a grin.

“I always was a breast man,” he said in a loud enough voice for Marcus to hear it.

Amanda tried to not think of him as Barba, the arrogant ADA she worked with, and to forget the armed man watching them closely. She pulled his face towards her breasts and he eagerly took a nipple in his mouth and sucked on it while still massaging the other one in his hand. She could feel his other hand on her thigh, beneath her short dress, and climbing higher.

She tried not to panic, but to breathe in deeply and take it a minute at a time. She was the cop and Barba had put himself at risk to save her. She had to play along, or they were both in danger.

She pushed her hand inside his jeans, and found him only slightly hard. That wouldn’t do. She circled her hand around him and pulled, jerking him until he hardened enough. She pulled him out of his underwear, and pushed his jeans further out of the way.

He took a shuddering breath, and then pulled back away from her. He pulled out his wallet and got out a condom.

“No condoms,” came the voice of Marcus from the doorway.

***

Barba turned to face the man.

“All my girls are clean and protected, you have my word on that,” Marcus said.

Barba turned back to Amanda and caught her eye. She nodded. They really didn’t have any choice, plus he knew he was clean, unlike the scumbag who would sleep with her if they didn’t do this.

He turned her towards the pool table, putting both her hands on the edge. He pulled her panties down her legs and pulled her dress up, so he could see the silky skin of her backside and the length of her legs. She widened them.

He moved closer then took a deep breath and then took himself in hand. He felt around her soft folds until he could feel her entrance, and took a second or two to feel her readiness with his fingers. She was only slightly damp, there was no way ordinarily he would consider doing this. But he knew he had no choice and couldn’t delay any longer. He positioned himself and then slowly pushed his cock into her warmth.

***

Amanda bit her lip, trying not to make a sound. Luckily with her head down her hair was covering her face so Marcus couldn’t see her reaction. She hadn’t had sex in quite some time, and he wasn’t a small man. Plus she wasn’t turned on. But she knew as a prostitute, she wouldn’t have a problem with this, so couldn’t show any pain.

She gritted her teeth and tried to relax as Barba set up a brisk pace, thrusting into her from behind. She could feel his breath on her shoulder as he sped up his pace. One of his hands was on her hip, pulling her towards him and the other on her breast. He kept up this pace for some time, and she could feel his breath speeding up and he hardened more inside her as he became more aroused.

She closed her eyes and clenched down on him, hoping to speed this up and get it over with. It worked. His hips lost their rhythm and he gasped. He gave two more deep thrusts then groaned as he came, slumping over her back.

A few seconds later he pulled out and she pulled up her panties and righted her dress and bra before turning, to see him zipping up.

“Pretty good,” he said. “Worth $250.” He grinned, but she could see only pain in his eyes. He had done what he said he would do, and saved her from Marcus, but it had hurt him. He walked away as he did up his belt, and she looked at Marcus.

“Are you satisfied now?” She asked him.

He grabbed his crotch. “Not satisfied, no. You sure you don’t want to do me too?”

She glared at him before walking past him out of the pool room to join the other girls again.

***

Carisi swallowed hard as he watched Barba leave the van. Despite him being the one to hint that maybe Barba could help them out, he was conflicted. He was pleased that Rollins had a way out of the hole she was in, but the idea of her having sex with Barba really grated on him.

He had always been attracted to Barba, from when they first met, and hadn’t been put off by the abrasive attitude of the lawyer. As time went on, the hero worship he had felt had grown to like and now to love. He didn’t have a hope that his affections would be returned, even though the older man was now much nicer to him, only giving snarky comments on occasion, and appearing to do that to get a rise out of him, rather than to actually upset him.

After weeks of the ADA being on suspension, Carisi had missed him, and so to have him turn up tonight, in jeans and a leather jacket with stubble had definitely affected him, giving him simultaneous aches in his heart and crotch. Now he had to monitor the audio, and hear him having sex with Rollins.

He heard the dulcet tones of Amanda as she approached Barba and flirted with him before negotiating a price, and then the movements as they walked to the pool room. He listened to their exchange and Barba’s offer to sleep with her, and her consent. He bit his lip and clenched his fist.

The sounds seemed to go on forever, and although they didn’t know what was going on, the rusting of clothing, heavy breathing and sounds of flesh made Carisi’s heart ache more. He struggled not to move, having to act normally, and not show his distress. All he wanted to do was punch someone, preferably Marcus.

A few minutes later they heard Barba walk away, and pay his tab at the bar, before leaving the club. Then he was back in the van and sitting down again, removing the bug, the money and condoms, before beating a hasty exit, already booking an Uber to get a lift home. He answered Liv’s questions about the number of men Marcus had with him, but made no comment about Amanda or what he had done, and wouldn’t make eye contact with them either.

His hair was mussed and he looked flushed, probably from embarrassment as well as what had happened. Carisi looked at him critically, knowing this was the closest he would ever get to seeing what the love of his life looked like after an orgasm. Life wasn’t fair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Barba and Rollins deal with the aftermath of what they did...

A week later Barba was still brooding about his part in the operation. He had insisted Liv keep him updated, and hadn’t relaxed until he heard that it was over. Rollins was safe and without having had to compromise herself any more than she already had done with him. Marcus and his subordinates were in custody, facing multiple charges of sex trafficking and prostitution.

He was due back to work next week and couldn’t imagine how he was going to work with Rollins after what he had done. He had always treated his sexual partners well, making sure they were fully satisfied. Taking his pleasure the way he had done with Rollins, knowing not only that she was not turned on and not ready to take him without pain, but that he was going to leave her that way, was just wrong. He knew he had played his part and had to do it that way or risk their cover, but it didn’t make him feel better.

He decided he needed to do something as trying to forget it wasn’t working.

***

Amanda was feeling much better after a few good nights sleep and a long soak in her bath. She didn’t regret going undercover, but was concerned about how it would affect her career if Marcus didn’t take a plea deal but insisted on going to court. If that happened, her part in the operation would become public including the fact that she had slept with Barba while undercover. She was sure that the defense attorney would bring that up, and probably so would every future one whenever she got on the stand to testify.

As for what had actually happened, she was still feeling a bit raw about it. She was going to see a therapist which should help with the mental aspects. It had brought back memories of her rape, despite the fact that she had consented. This time as last time, she had to put up with what was being done to her, and have sex despite not being turned on or wanting it. She didn’t know how prostitutes could do it, although she could see why so many resorted to drugs to get through it.

She helped herself to another beer as she gazed unseeingly at her TV. Liv had given her a week off to help her get over this experience, and she had no plans to do anything until her therapist appointment the next day.

Her doorbell rang and she sighed. She really didn’t want to see Carisi just now, and she couldn’t imagine that it was anyone else. The bell rang again. She got up and answered it, seeing with shock that it was Barba. She pressed the buzzer to let him up to her apartment, and opened the door when he knocked.

“Hi,” he said cautiously.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, and then winced as she remembered that was what she had said to him at the club as well. She could tell by his face that he remembered that.

He squared his shoulders. “I thought we should talk before we both get back to work,” he said.

She moved out of the way and waved him into her apartment. He sat down on the edge of the couch and held out a hand to Frannie who sniffed it before allowing him to stroke her head. As if in a daze, Amanda closed the door and went to the kitchen and got out a glass as well as the bottle of whiskey she had been given. It wasn’t as good quality as Barba no doubt was used to, but he could probably do with a drink if they were having this discussion. She quickly swigged the rest of her beer down and got herself another one before she sat down on the couch, staying far enough away from him so that there was no danger of them touching.

“I asked Liv to keep me informed how the case was going. I’m glad you got out safely and that you got the evidence to put Marcus away,” he said as he poured himself a drink, not looking at her. “You did a great job with this case, despite the danger.”

She decided to bite the bullet.  

“Thank you for doing what you did. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied, then winced. “That didn’t come out right. I’m glad I could help you out of a tough spot, although I wish it hadn’t been necessary.”

He glanced at her and she could see pain in his eyes still when he looked at her. That would need to change if they were to work well together again.

“How come you got dragged into it anyway?”

“I gather it was Carisi’s idea. He and Fin had been in the club so couldn’t go in, and he thought of me. Liv talked me into it.”

Amanda snorted. “I’m surprised Carisi was so keen on you sleeping with me. I’ve always thought he wanted you himself.” Changing the subject from herself would be good and she was curious, knowing how Carisi felt about Barba. Maybe she could use this opportunity to find out how the older man felt.  

Barba turned and glared at her.

She raised up her eyebrows. “Come off it; don’t tell me you never noticed. He’s had it bad ever since he met you.”

“It’s professional admiration, that’s all,” Barba said stiffly.

“Yeah, right. You keep telling yourself that,” Amanda said with a grin. “Anyway, he’ll probably be disappointed at the proof that you like women, not men. We always wondered.”

“Actually, I like both,” he admitted, pouring himself a drink and taking a large swig.

Amanda turned and smiled; amazed he had revealed something so private about himself.

“Anyway, I wanted to reassure you that I am clean, and you don’t have anything to worry about from the fact that we had unprotected sex. I’m assuming birth control isn’t an issue?”

Amanda tensed up a bit at the change in subject back to what had happened. “No. I’m on the pill. I’m clean too, in case you were wondering.”

There was silence for a minute before Barba took another swig of his drink. “I hope I didn’t hurt you too much, physically I mean. I never normally do that. Whenever I’ve been with a woman in the past I always make sure they are aroused, and ready for me. But Fin had warned me I needed to act like a John, so as to not make Marcus suspicious.”

Amanda took in a deep breath before answering. “No, you didn’t. Well, not much,” she admitted when he looked at her unbelievingly. “It’s not the best sex I’ve had, but it wasn’t the worst either.”

“Considering I know you’ve been raped, that really isn’t any comfort,” he said with a grimace.

“I wasn’t including that,” she said. She wasn’t going to tell him how what happened had reminded her of that experience.

He stare at her in shock. “You mean you’ve had worse consensual sex than that? You definitely need to pick better men.”

She snorted. “I can’t argue with that. I’ve made some bad choices in the past. I’m more discerning now.”

“I don’t want to think you’ll even consider me as being amongst your worst experiences,” he admitted as he sipped his drink.

“Don’t worry Barba, I don’t think what happened is a reflection of what you’re like in bed. I’m sure you can show a woman, or man, a good time.”

He glanced around at her and she saw a smirk. “Oh yes, I really can,” he said.

She laughed again. “Shame I didn’t see you at your best then.”

He joined in the laughter, but then stared at her thoughtfully for a long moment.

She caught his look and he immediately looked away, seeming uncomfortable.

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing,” he quickly replied.

“No it wasn’t nothing. What were you thinking?” She insisted.

He sighed and finished his drink before answering.

“I was thinking that maybe we could replace the bad memories of last week with better ones, for both of us.”

***

Rafael saw her eyes widen in shock at his suggestion, but she didn’t look disgusted. She looked interested.

“Don’t you think that’s a bad idea?” She asked.

“Probably. I usually try to keep my personal life away from work and not sleep with co-workers. The damage is already done where you are concerned. But I would like the opportunity to improve things between us. I hate the thought that this experience undercover is what you will always remember me for.”

He watched her look him up and down, as she finished her beer and considered what to do next. He waited patiently. This may be a stupid move of his, but it was done. The ball was in her court now. She would determine what happened. He knew it was a risk if they did this, and he had never considered her as a sexual partner before this happened, but this wasn’t about passion and sexual desire, it was about clearing away the bad memories. He enjoyed sex, usually, and spending one night with her was no hardship.  

She put down her empty beer bottle, and then looked into his eyes again. She nodded. “Okay then.”

He grinned. He hadn’t really thought she would agree.

“Good. Come here,” he said in a low voice as he shifted closer to her on the sofa, and took her hand in his. He brought it up to his lips and pressed a kiss to her palm, before pulling her closer. She didn’t resist.

Their eyes closed as their lips touched, and he gently kissed her, waiting to see if she responded. She did. He kissed her softly, un-demandingly, until he was sure of her willingness, and she wound her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. They were soon making out on the sofa, with her body draped over his as their tongues danced together. This held no bad memories for either of them as kissing is something they hadn’t done undercover.

She shifted her weight and he helped support her as she sat in his lap, her groin covering his rapidly hardening cock. She pressed down deliberately.

“Well, that’s a quick response. Better than last week,” she whispered.

“Last week was hardly ideal circumstances,” he retorted. “I’m not turned on by coercion. I prefer women willing.”

She sat up, pulling away from him.

“Barba, I was willing last week. You didn’t force me.”

He sighed. He hadn’t meant his comment to be taken so seriously by her. “I know, but you didn’t exactly have much choice in the matter Amanda. And don’t you think you should be calling me Rafael if we are doing this?” He smiled, to try and lighten the atmosphere again.

It worked. She smiled back. “Okay Rafael. So where were we...” she said before leaning forward and kissing him again.

Ten minutes later things were getting pretty heated, with both of them turned on. He pulled away from where he had been kissing her neck to suggest they move to the bedroom. She agreed and got up, leading him by the hand and closing the door on Frannie who whined her disapproval.

Rafael briefly kissed her again before reaching down to pull off her top, leaving her in a plain cotton bra. He quickly shrugged out of his jacket and also pulled off his polo shirt, leaving him bare chested. Her hands immediately went to his chest, threading through his hair to rake over his nipples. He inhaled sharply and kissed her again before moving to take her sweatpants off too.

She didn’t hesitate to step out of them, and quickly went for his belt. Like last week, she quickly undid the jeans he was wearing and this time he pushed them down and off, toeing his shoes off in the process. He swept her off her feet and placed her gently down on the bed, pulling off his socks before following her down and covering her body with his own.

Her legs went round his hips and he could feel the warm dampness already against his groin. He smiled. This was so much better. He kissed her enthusiastically before moving his hand underneath her to undo her bra.

She quickly removed it and threaded her fingers through his hair as he stroked her bare breasts with both hands before kissing all around them, ratcheting up the suspense until she grabbed his head and pushed it towards her nipple.

He laughed, but gave in and sucked on one side and then the other until she was arching away from the bed towards him. He moved one hand slowly down her abdomen until he was able to trace the edges of her panties, before he covered her mound with his whole hand. She arched her hips off the bed towards him, and he could feel the wetness of her panties as he circled her clit with his finger. She moaned.

He pulled away from her breasts and moved further down the bed, kissing her stomach and then hips as he got closer to where she wanted him. He peeled her panties away from her body and she scrambled to take them off completely as he ran a hand back up her thigh.

“Please,” she whispered.

He grinned. He lowered his hand to feel her slick folds, finding her sopping wet already, and gently inserted one finger as his thumb circled her clit. She arched off the bed again, and tightened her legs around his back again, using them to pull him closer in to her.

He kissed his way lower, this time using his tongue to flick her clit as he pressed another finger into her, thrusting them in and out and crooking them to catch her G-spot. She moaned again and he kept this up, sucking her clit and licking it in turn, until she was thrashing about on the bed. He could feel her tense up as she got closer to her peak, and he encouraged her over the edge, moving away from her as she got too sensitive, and enjoying the satiated look on her face.

He pulled himself up to lie next to her on the bed, wiping his wet face with a tissue from the box by the bed while she recovered. He was hard and throbbing; making a woman come always turned him on more, but he could be patient.

Finally she opened up her eyes. “Wow, you definitely have skills in the bedroom.”

He smirked. He never tired of hearing that.  

*** 

She felt the blood coursing through her veins. That was the best orgasm she could remember having for years. But she could feel his hard length against her leg and felt her arousal start again. She wanted more. She pulled him close to her and kissed him, tasting herself in his mouth as she ran her hand down his back to pull him to her. She moved her hand round his hip and closed it round his hard cock. He gasped.

“Fuck me, Rafael,” she said in a seductive voice, and saw the arousal on his face at her words.

“Are you sure? Condom?” He asked.

“I’m sure, and we’ve already covered the condom issue. I want you, now.” She widened her legs and lifted them around his waist, pulling his cock towards her as she did so.

He took the hint and moved his body above hers, pushing inside her in one long thrust. This time there was no pain, just the rightness of feeling the emptiness inside her being filled. She saw him looking at her and smiled before arching up into him more.

He pulled out then thrust inside again, leaning down to kiss her passionately as they started moving together. A few minutes later she had to pull away to breathe, and watched the arousal on his face grow. His hair was a mess, forehead sweaty and she was feeling sensitive from his stubble. This was Rafael, a passionate man she was enjoying sex with, not Barba, the uptight ADA she worked with, or the man who she had reluctantly consented to sex with in that club. There were light years of differences between the experiences.

She concentrated on his pleasure, hearing his moans as he speeded up, and enjoying feeling the muscles of his back and ass contract with his movements. But then her arousal overtook her, helped on by his hand which was stimulating her clit again.

She took in a shaky breath and quickened her movements as his pace sped up and then their rhythm broke. She screamed and then clamped her teeth into his shoulder as she came again, soon followed by him shouting her name as he emptied himself inside her.

***

Rafael slumped down on the bed to recover his breath, making sure to lie to the side of Amanda and not squash her. She didn’t appear to even be conscious. He grinned. It was a while since he made anyone pass out by making love to them. It was definitely good for his ego, which needed a boost after last week.

He turned to his side and put his arm around Amanda and waited for her to wake up. She did a few minutes later with a flutter of her eyelids before her eyes opened.

“Oh my God, did I pass out?” She asked in astonishment.

“Yeah,” Rafael answered, not even trying to keep the satisfaction from his voice. “Do you do that often?”

“Not usually, no,” she replied.

He smirked at her, and laughed as she smacked him on the arm before pulling up the bedclothes around them both.

“Feeling pleased with yourself, aren’t you?” She asked.

“Oh yeah. Are you trying to tell me that I shouldn’t?” He commented. “Because I won’t believe you.”

She cuddled closer to him and kissed him on his chest before resting her head down and closing her eyes again. They fell asleep like that, curled up together.

***

In the night, Rafael woke up to feel Amanda sucking on his nipple as her hand pulled on his cock. He put his arms around her and tried to pull her up to him again, but she resisted. Instead she moved further down the bed, taking his cock into her mouth and sucking. He couldn’t resist and moaned, trying not to thrust upwards into her mouth. She put one hand on his hip and wrapped the other one round the base of his cock and then bobbed her head as she ran her tongue over his head and sucked him deeper into her mouth.

He soon felt his arousal spiral upwards and knew he was getting close to coming. He warned Amanda, who pulled off and quickly sat on his lap, taking him inside herself. He concentrated on thinking of case law to keep his orgasm at bay, determined to take her with him. When he felt he had control again, he reached up and grabbed hold of her breasts, pulling on her nipples as she moved herself up and down on top of him. He thrust his hips up and watched as she moved one hand down to her clit and rubbed herself. This was too much for him and he let go of her breasts to move his hands to her hips to increase her pace as he thrust himself harder and faster into her.

He came with a moan, and saw her gasp above him as she did the same. She wavered before slumping against his chest, and he wrapped both arms around her shaking body as they cooled down, and he gradually softened and then slipped out of her. Normally he didn’t like being woken up in the night, valuing sleep above all else, but this definitely had been worth it.

***

They slept in until nearly lunchtime, when the whining of Frannie finally got Amanda to move. She reached for some clothing and quickly got dressed, leaving Rafael asleep and snoring gently as she left the room. She put the coffee on before heading out of the door with Frannie.

She used the time walking around the park with Frannie to consider what had happened last night. It had been the last thing she had expected. Before this she had never considered Rafael particularly attractive in a sexual way, and having sex with him last week hadn’t changed that view. But when he had suggested it last night and had been so confident of his prowess, she couldn’t resist saying yes. She had agreed just wanting to replace the bad memories of last week, but the night had been so much more. She could feel her face heat up as she remembered what they had done, and how he had made her feel. She hadn’t expected him to be so good in bed.

But still, she didn’t see a relationship between them. They didn’t have a future together. He might be a great lay, but that was all it was for her. She didn’t have stronger feelings towards him, and knew he felt the same about her. This had been a great night, but that was all that there was to it.

She let herself back into her apartment to find him sat in his boxers at the kitchen counter, sipping a coffee. He had wet hair so she assumed he had had a shower. She smiled at him as she let Frannie off the lead.

“Morning. I see you found the coffee and the shower. Frannie wasn’t going to wait any longer to be let out so I took her for a walk.”

***

Rafael glanced round at her. Unlike last night, there was no sadness in his eyes now as he looked at her. “I guessed that’s where you had gone. I would have suspected you were sneaking out to do the walk of shame if it wasn’t your apartment we were at.”

She smiled. ‘No walk of shame for me. Anyway, I don’t think either of us has got anything to be ashamed of. I enjoyed last night.”

He grinned. “I did get that impression. Me too.” He got up and walked forward, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips as he reached past her to refill his mug with coffee.

She laughed. “You and your coffee. I might have known that was what you were after.” She moved past him to reach for a mug and filled it with coffee for herself, before sitting down in the chair next to him.

“So, is this going to be a problem at work,” she asked.

He frowned. “Nothing we can’t handle. It’s already known by our bosses that we slept together last week, so this makes no difference really. If it was going to continue, then we would need to disclose, but..” he trailed off, then took a hasty gulp of coffee.

“But that’s not really what either of us wants is it?” She finished his sentence. She was pretty sure that was what he was thinking.

He turned and faced her, and she could see relief in his eyes. He smiled. “No it isn’t. I don’t think we would make a good couple, no matter how good the sex is.”

“Then we’re agreed. Last night was just one night. Good memories for both of us, and no regrets.” She sipped her coffee and saw him nod in response.

“But please, just satisfy my curiosity. You’ve said you like men and women. So what about Carisi? Is he totally wasting his time mooning over you, or does he have a chance?”

Rafael sighed. “I thought we’d dropped the subject of Carisi.”

Amanda grinned. “You may want to, but I want to know how you feel. He’s always got to you from the beginning, and you’re getting on so much better now. If he’s got no chance he should know that so he can get over you and find someone else.”

Rafael took another sip of his coffee before answering. “I’ve thought about it. He is attractive and we do get on well. He isn’t repelled by my snarkiness, which would put most people off. But he’s too young for me, and we work together. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to encourage him.”

“But you are interested,” Amanda persisted.

This time she didn’t get a verbal response, but just a nod.

“You should go for it. Life’s too short to be alone, and anything can happen. He told me he has always liked older men, so that’s not a barrier as far as he is concerned, and as for working together, that’s what disclosure is for, as you’ve already pointed out.”

Rafael looked at her, and she could see he was getting frustrated. “It’s different when it’s a relationship between men. It could affect his career if it is known he is gay and involved with me. If he tries to work as a lawyer he’ll be accused of sleeping with me to get a job. Even if he stays as a detective it’s dangerous. Hell, the cops don’t like me as it is. Do you really think he would get backup or be protected if he needed it? I won’t put him at risk.”

“You’ve really thought a lot about this,” she said, realizing for the first time that Rafael not only was interested, but had seriously considered getting involved with Carisi.

She saw Rafael color as he realized he had been found out.

She knew she needed to convince him. She thought they could be good together and wanted both men to be happy. Sonny was a good friend and she was starting to think of Rafael as a friend too, after last night.

“I think it’s Carisi’s choice if the risk is worth it. Things are improving all the time, and there is much more protection for gay cops than there used to be. Plus Liv will look out for him. There is no way she would allow anything bad to happen to him because of his sexual orientation or any relationship he was in, and you know it.”

“I won’t take advantage of his crush on me. That wouldn’t be fair to him,” Rafael said.

Amanda laughed. “Believe me, you wouldn’t be taking advantage of him, and it isn’t a crush. He has pretty strong feelings for you. He’s also not unaware of the risks. He knows them and has decided you’re worth it. And that’s without knowing how good you are in bed. I’m assuming you’re as talented with men as women,” she commented with a smile.

He smirked at her again, which she took as agreement. She continued.

“He’s an attractive man with lots going for him. Do you really think he will wait around forever for you? Sooner or later he will find someone else, and then will still be at risk from homophobic cops. But you won’t be there to protect him. Don’t let that happen and regret it.”

She kissed him on the cheek then left him to think about it while she went and had a quick shower of her own.

***

Rafael was finishing his third coffee and had gotten dressed before Amanda reappeared, so had plenty of time to consider what she had said. In theory he agreed with everything she had said, but he cringed at the idea of making a move on the younger detective. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested, but as he had said, he liked to keep work and his personal life apart, and going from having no personal entanglements with his co-workers to sleeping with two of them within weeks was just not him.

But he couldn’t deny how tempting it was. Amanda was good friends with Carisi. If she said he was interested and it wasn’t just a crush, then it was pretty likely she was right. He didn’t want to miss his chance and regret it later. Last night had reminded him how much he liked sex, and how lonely he sometimes felt in his life. The idea of actually having what he wanted was tantalizing. But he still couldn’t get over the idea that it was wrong somehow and taking advantage of the younger man.  

Amanda interrupted his musings, and they discussed the case over toast, keeping off the subject of Carisi completely.

“Do you think what we did will be a problem if it goes to trial, or in the future if I testify for you,” Amanda asked.

Rafael thought for a few seconds. “Not really. As far as Marcus’ trial is concerned, we are both witnesses to him pimping you out, and the fact that you were willing to make the sacrifices you did to put him away won’t be held against you. As for future trials, it will be public knowledge what we did as part of this case, but if there is no ongoing relationship, there is no reason it should affect any cases. I will make sure the judge is aware of it though, and it’s probably best that you’re not the main witness at any of my trials until some time has passed.”

Amanda sighed. “I’m sure Liv will realise that and so it shouldn’t be an issue.”  There was a pause, and then she continued, in a quieter voice. “How about last night. Do we say anything about that to anyone?”

He glanced at her. He had been thinking about that too. “I doubt anyone will ask, but all it would take is one defense attorney to ask you if you had ever slept with me outside of the undercover operation and we would be in trouble. So I think we should tell Liv and the DA. Other than that, I suggest we keep it quiet. No need for that to become public knowledge.”

He saw her nod her agreement, before a smirk passed over her face. “Does that mean I can’t tell Carisi how good you are in bed? I’m sure he would love to know. It might give him the push he needs to approach you, as I’m sure you’re still telling yourself you shouldn’t make the first move.”

He rolled his eyes. “You think telling him I was great in bed with you, a woman, will encourage him to approach me? It’d just upset him I think, if he really is interested, and probably cause a problem between the two of you.”

Amanda laughed. “I said good, not great in bed,” she retorted.

He just grinned back at her. He knew he was great, and she knew it too.


	3. Chapter 3

The next week both Rafael and Amanda were back at work, and looking forward to things getting back to normal.

Amanda tried to act as she always had, helped by the fact that Marcus had taken a deal, so she wasn’t going to have to testify to what she had done in open court. But Fin and Carisi had started out tiptoeing around her. Fin got over it in a day, but things were awkward with Carisi for longer.

She decided to speak to Liv and get that out of the way, so approached her when the men were out interviewing a witness. She went into Liv’s office and shut the door behind her, sitting down.

Liv immediately put down her pen and took off her glasses, before looking up and smiling at her.

“Something you wanted, Rollins?” She asked.

Amanda took in a breath. “Yes. I wanted to talk about what happened while I was undercover. We haven’t really discussed it. I saw my therapist last week and it won’t cause a problem in the future, but I thought we should bring it out in the open.”

She watched her boss lean back in her seat and look slightly uncomfortable at the discussion before she spoke. “Yes, you’re probably right. I’m sorry you were put in that position. If we had any idea he was HIV positive, or that we wouldn’t be able to get you out when you were in danger then we wouldn’t have gone ahead with the operation. I hated leaving you in there like that, and forcing you into doing what you did. As a woman on the force it’s the kind of behavior I hate. We wouldn’t expect a man to do that, and shouldn’t have expected you to do it either.”

Amanda was shocked. This was not how she expected the conversation to go. “It’s okay, really. Plus, I wasn’t the only one put in that situation; you put Barba in it too. I don’t feel badly treated because I am a woman. I know you wouldn’t do that. There was no way any of us could have predicted what would happen. But it could have been much worse. It ended well in the end, with Marcus under arrest and me fine.”

“But are you fine, Rollins? Because I know what it feels like to be undercover and put in a position of being forced to have sex, and I know it took me a long time to get over it, and I was rescued before I actually had to do anything. You weren’t.”

Amanda shook her head. “You were attacked by a rapist. I had to have sex, yes, but I consented, and it was with someone I trusted. It doesn’t compare to your situation.”

“How about Barba. Will you be okay working with him after what he did?” Liv asked.

Amanda smiled. “He saved me from Marcus, and put himself in an uncomfortable and dangerous position to help me. I don’t hold what happened against him. I consented to sex with him. He didn’t rape me.”

“Even so, having to go through something like that with him will affect your working relationship.”

Amanda realized that Barba was right; Liv did need to know about the night they spent together, but not just for the reason he had said.

“We will be fine. He came round to my apartment last week and we talked it through. Umm, he also spent the night with me. Believe me; we will be fine working with each other. What happened undercover between us is not an issue.”

Amanda felt the glare of her boss as soon as she disclosed they had spent the night together. She had expected that.

“He spent the night with you! What were you both thinking? Is this relationship continuing?”

“We were thinking that we wanted to replace the bad memories of the undercover operation with good ones. It was one night, and not going to happen again. We both agree on that,” Amanda answered her boss’s questions.

Liv sighed and didn’t respond, but shook her head in exasperation.

“Okay, well, as long as you are okay with each other, I suppose that will be the end of it. But if I see any signs of problems, I will be discussing this further.”

Amanda agreed and beat a hasty exit from the room. That was over at least.

***

The next day Barba joined Liv in her office as they watched the interview of a rape suspect. He had received a text from Amanda telling him she had informed Liv who wasn’t happy with them. He had been grateful for the warning.

He watched Carisi and Amanda through the one way glass as they played good cop and bad cop and confused the suspect into confessing a detail that revealed he had been lying earlier. As they picked apart his statement, he found his mind wandering. Inside the room were the detective he had slept with last week, and the one he really wanted. Totally opposite in most ways, especially in gender, but both passionate about their jobs. He watched Amanda and remembered her passion in bed, and how she had opened herself up to him and trusted him with her body. He could see it in his mind’s eye, but he still didn’t want more with her.

Carisi on the other hand… He wanted all that and more with the young male detective. He could see himself not only in bed with him, but sharing his life with him. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since his night with Amanda. Was he really going to let Carisi get away without ever making his feelings known?

He was interrupted from his musings by Liv.

“Rollins told me that the two of you spent the night together. What were you thinking Rafael?”

He turned to look at her. “I wanted to make things right between us. I hated the idea that she would remember being forced into having sex with me, of me hurting her. I couldn’t leave things like that. So I suggested we replace the bad memories. She agreed.”

Liv glared at him. “Just like that. No repercussions. Don’t you think it will affect your working relationship?”

He could feel his temper starting to flare. “It’s a bit late to worry about our working relationship don’t you think after you put her in danger, and then had to beg me to sleep with her in order to keep her from harm. If anyone has caused a problem between us, you should look in the mirror, not at me. What the hell were you doing, putting her into that situation in the first place without backup?”

She had the grace to look ashamed. “1PP pushed for the operation, the ADA was all for it, and so was Rollins. We didn’t realize it would be so dangerous.”

“Harrison would have agreed to anything that would help his career, and 1PP don’t care about anything other than their reputations and positive press coverage when they catch a big fish. The fate of individual cops is not their concern. You should have been the voice of reason, and considered what these scumbags are like. These operations never go to plan, and the traffickers are always sadistic bastards who use sex to keep the girls in line. You should have thought of that.”

“Yes you’re right. I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

“I don’t think it’s me you need to apologize to,” he retorted.

Liv turned fully away from the interrogation happening through her window, and gave him her full attention. “I’ve apologized to Rollins already. But you also need it. I shouldn’t have put you in the position of having to compromise yourself or the relationship you have with Rollins the way I did. It was the only thing we could come up with at the time, but that doesn’t make it right.”

He looked at her closely and could read the sincerity in her eyes. He nodded. “Apology accepted.”

She looked at him for a few seconds, and he started to feel uncomfortable. “What?” He asked.

“So you thought spending a night with Rollins would mend your relationship?” A smile lit up her face. “Are you that good?”

He tried to glare at her again, but could feel himself coloring. “It worked, and yes, I am that good.” He smirked at her and she laughed.

“I always thought Carisi was more your type,” she said.

“Don’t you start,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve already been through this with Amanda. I don’t need it from you too.”

“Oh, and what did _Amanda_ say,” Liv queried, emphasizing the name.

He glared at her. “Did you expect me to call her Rollins in bed? First names are customary when you get intimate with someone.”

“True, but don’t change the subject. What did she say about Carisi.”

He could see Liv wasn’t going to let this go.

“She said he has feelings for me and I should go for it and stop hesitating.”

Liv moved away from the window and sat down on the couch. He reluctantly joined her, after taking one last look at Carisi through the window.

“Are you interested in him? Why are you hesitating?”

He knew if he intended to have a relationship with Carisi that Liv would need to know about it, so decided to come clean with her. He told her what he had said to Amanda; the reasons he thought it was a bad idea.

Liv was silent for a minute after he finished.

“I agree with Rollins. If you do feel strongly about him, then you should ask him out, see if a relationship between you would work.”

“Just a few minutes ago you were complaining about me putting my working relationship with Amanda at risk by sleeping with her, and now you’re encouraging me to approach another of your detectives!”

Liv laughed. “Yes, but I can see a proper relationship between you and Carisi. That was never going to work between you and Rollins, so sleeping with her was just a risk. With Carisi it could be good for you both. As long as you disclose, there won’t be an issue, and as you’ve already told me, you’re part way there already.”

“I’ve not decided to do anything yet, and anyway, he might not think it’s worth the risk.” Rafael still wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do.

Liv grinned. “Oh, he won’t hesitate. As soon as he knows you are interested, he will be all over you.”

Rafael couldn’t deny he liked that idea.

*** 

Amanda poured Sonny another beer. They had agreed to use first names outside work when they had gotten closer friends. She drank more of her own drink. She wanted him a bit drunk for this conversation, and knew her being the same would make it easier. She had thought a lot about whether she should tell Sonny about the night she had spent with Rafael, and decided she should. Rafael hadn’t said she couldn’t, and although it may cause some issues between her and Sonny, she couldn’t consider the alternative. If he found out another way, he would know she had lied by omission, and if he ended up in a relationship with Rafael, he would need to know. It would cause problems between the two of them if he found out later. So best to tell him now.

“So how are you really, after that undercover operation? That must have been so hard,” Sonny asked her.

“You’ve worked undercover before now. You do what you have to do,” she replied.

“Yeah, but I’ve never had to go as far as you did,” he responded.

“It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it could have been much worse. If Barba hadn’t been there I would have had to have sex with Marcus and I’m really not sure I could have done that. At least I trust Barba, and with him there, I felt like I wasn’t going through it alone.”

They sat and sipped their drinks before Amanda asked something that had been on her mind.

“If you hadn’t been at the club earlier and seen, would you have offered to go undercover instead of Barba?”

Sonny immediately looked around at her. “Of course I would. So would Fin. But we couldn’t because we would have been recognized. But that’s not because either of us would have wanted to do that, to sleep with you, but because we wanted to help you.”

She smiled. “I know that, Sonny. So what made you think of Barba? I know it was you that came up with the idea of approaching him. He told me.”

He looked suspiciously at her. “When did he tell you that?”

“He and I had a long chat about the operation last week.”

“Last week... neither of you were in work last week.”

“No. He came round to my apartment. He wanted to clear the air between us before we got back to work.”

There was silence again. Amanda was having trouble reading the emotions passing over Sonny’s face. She definitely saw jealousy though.

“It must have been difficult for you to listen to the audio from the club and know what was happening, feeling the way you do about him,” she said gently.

Sonny immediately colored, and straightened up in his seat. “I hated the thought of what you were going through. I know what he did was just sex, and what he had to do.”

“Yes it was. He didn’t want to do it, and didn’t enjoy it, and neither did I. But we did what we needed to do to preserve the operation. But I’m sure it hurt you too.”

He shook his head and took a large gulp of his beer. “My feelings aren’t important,” he muttered.

“Yes they are,” she replied, putting a hand on his arm. “That’s why I need to tell you something else.”

He looked round at her when she paused, and she steeled herself to continue.

“After the operation, when I allowed myself to think about it, I realized the way I had closed myself down when it was happening was the way I did when I was raped. I was worried what that would mean for my career, whether I would be able to work with Barba again. I know it was completely different. He wasn’t forcing himself on me against my will, but was also being forced because of the position we were both in. But I was still worried, remembering what it was like for me in Atlanta.”

“Last week he came to see me. I could see it was bothering him too. There was a sadness in his eyes when he looked at me. We talked it through, and he admitted he hated the thought that I would always see him as having done that to me. He suggested we replace that bad memory with good ones. I agreed.”

She waited and sipped her drink, watching Sonny’s face to see when he realized what she meant by that. She didn’t have to wait long. He stiffened in his seat and looked at her in shock.

“You mean he suggested... you and he...” his voice faded off.

“Yes,” Amanda confirmed. “He spend the night with me. It was one night only, and won’t be repeated. Things are fine between us now, back to normal.”

“Jesus. You’ve slept with him and now you say things are back to normal! Just like that. I don’t understand you.” She knew what was really bothering him was what they had done, not her assertion that their relationship was back to normal.

“Yes it is. I don’t think of him as the man who did that to me now, and we don’t have strong feelings for each other that way, so neither of us wants anything more to happen between us. It was a one night stand, that’s all.”

He wasn’t meeting her eyes, and she put her hand on his arm again. He stiffened.

“I’m sorry Sonny. I know telling you this has hurt you, but you needed to know.”

He glared at her, and she could see the tears shining in his eyes, and the jealousy still on his face. “Why? Why did you need to tell me? To let me know he’s not into men, but into women, into you? To crow over how you’ve had the one thing I really want but know I will never have? I thought you were my friend!”

“I’m not crowing, Sonny. But I am your friend, and so I needed to be honest with you. I also needed you to know before your relationship with Rafael changes.”

He laughed, but she could still hear the hurt, not humor. “Rafael now is it? My relationship with him isn’t going to change; you’ve just confirmed that.”

“I think it will. We didn’t only talk about our relationship and what had happened when he came round, we talked about you too.”

“Great. So on top of all that, you’ve told him how I feel. Yeah, our relationship will definitely change - for the worse.” He started to get up, and Amanda immediately stood too and held on to him.

“For God’s sake Sonny, stop going off the deep end and let me explain. It’s not bad, believe me.”

She managed to get him to sit down, but he wasn’t looking at her, and she could see he was tense and ready to flee at the slightest provocation.

“For a start, he’s bi, not straight. He told me he likes men as well as women.”

“So you’re bosom pals now, sharing your secrets,” Sonny bit out. She ignored him.

“He also admitted he’s attracted to you, but thinks he’s too old for you, and any relationship between you would put you at risk.”

She took a sip of her drink and waited for him to take this in.

“At risk how?”

“From those who would say you slept your way to a job at DA’s office if you decide to use your legal degree, and from homophobic cops and those that hate him if you stay as a detective.”

Sonny shook his head. “But I don’t care about those things. It would be worth it,” he said.

“I thought that is what you would say. I said it was your choice whether or not to take the risk or not, and that he should let you make the decision, and not make it for you.”

Sonny finally looked up and met her eyes. He smiled and she could see hope shining in his eyes. He leaned back and she could see a sly smile starting.  

“So let me get this straight. You spend the night with Rafael in your bed, and end up trying to convince him he should ask me out. That’s not normal. What’s the matter? Is he crap in bed or something?”

She laughed. “Quite the opposite. But I don’t want a relationship with him; you do. He wants that too, he’s just worried about the consequences.”

He looked at her curiously. “Quite the opposite. That sounds interesting.”

“Do you really want to know how many orgasms he gave me?” She spoke in a low voice, making sure no-one other than them could hear their conversation. “How good he is with his hands, his mouth, his cock…? Or do you want to find out for yourself?”

She saw Sonny blush and shift uncomfortably in his seat, and glanced down to see the bulge at his groin getting more prominent. She grinned. That was the reaction she had hoped for.

“But I’m not sure I convinced him he should make a move. I think you need to make the first move. Just know that he is interested, very interested.”

Sonny had a big grin on his face when she caught his eye. The hurt and jealousy were fading, and in their place hope and confidence.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later the SVU squad was heading to the pub for some food and drinks. They had successfully put away another perp, this time through a plea deal rather than a guilty verdict, but that still gave the same result - a long stretch in jail for the rapist.

Fin and Amanda were deep in conversation when Rafael turned up at the bar, having been invited by Liv. He got himself a drink and then joined them at the table, sitting in the only open spot next to Sonny. Liv was on the phone with Lucy by the sounds of it. He felt uncomfortable around Sonny now, partly because he knew Amanda was watching him, but also because he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since his conversations with Amanda and Liv. He took a swift drink to give himself courage, then spoke to the young detective, asking him about his family. He tried to stay off work talk when out if they weren’t in the middle of a case. Sonny immediately launched into telling him about his last visit with his niece.

During the evening the table configuration changed as various people got up to go to the bar or the restrooms. At one point when Sonny was away from the table, Amanda leaned over the table and told him that she had informed Sonny about their night together.

Rafael glared at her and was only stopped from raising his voice by the presence of the other detectives, although Fin and Liv were engrossed in their own conversation.

“What the hell did you do that for?”

“He needed to know about it before anything happens between the two of you. It wouldn’t be right to hide it from him and this way he is over it now.”

“God, would you stop trying to get us together. Even Liv is doing it now.”

Amanda grinned over the table at him. “So maybe that’s a sign you should give in and just get on with it.”

“I hope you haven’t said anything to him about how I feel.”

“I’ve said enough. Let’s just say if you don’t make the first move, I’m pretty sure he will do.”

Rafael could see the smugness on her face and tried to be angry at her for revealing his confidences, but it didn’t work. She had told him how Sonny felt after all, and he knew she had their best interests in mind. He couldn’t deny the thrill that went through him at the thought of something finally happening. He looked round the bar and saw Sonny stood getting more drinks. He felt a shiver down his spine and a spike of arousal in his groin.

***

Sonny had one last drink before stopping for the evening. He didn’t want to be drunk, although a bit of Dutch courage was definitely needed. Despite what Amanda had said, he still wasn’t convinced Rafael wouldn’t shoot him down in flames if he made a move.

He had thought a lot in the last week about what Amanda had told him. On the one hand, he was jealous, and hated the idea that she had spent the night with Rafael. But he himself had had a few one night stands in the past, and knew they didn’t compare with how he felt when he was in a relationship with someone. So when he had had time to calm down and think about it rationally, he had realized he could get over that, especially if the end result was him getting his chance with Rafael. He was determined to take a shot, especially now he knew that Rafael was interested in a relationship with him.

As the evening went on, he had grown in confidence. He had spent most of the night talking to Rafael, about all sorts of subjects, and felt the older man was opening up to him more than usual. Despite there being more space in the booth, as Liv left to go home to Noah, they had stayed sitting close together, and Sonny was sure they were holding each other’s eyes more than usual. He had also seen for himself that Amanda and Rafael were treating each other just like co-workers, with no sign of stronger feelings from either of them.

Amanda and Fin made a move next, and agreed to share a cab. Sonny was gratified to see no sign that Rafael wanted to leave too, and ignored the wicked grin and wink from Amanda as she left. Instead he turned more towards Rafael and asked him another question. Their conversation continued.

Soon enough though, the bell rang for last orders, and Sonny sighed. It had been a great evening, and even if this is where it ended, he was pleased with the progress he had made in his friendship with Rafael. The ADA had even insisted to the group that they call him Rafael outside work. In return he was using their first names too, although for Liv and Fin that was normal. But Sonny couldn’t help the shiver down his spine when he first heard the older man call him ‘Sonny’ rather than Carisi.

They got their coats on and slowly walked out of the bar in silence. Sonny wasn’t sure what to do for the best. He didn’t want to be so crass as to lunge in and try to kiss Rafael, despite wanting that contact more than anything. He resolved to invite him to dinner the following day. It was Saturday  and neither of them should be working.

Before he got the chance though, Rafael stopped and looked at him. “Would you like to come back to my place for a nightcap, Sonny? I’ve a nice bottle of whiskey I started recently that you might like to try.”

Sonny couldn’t stop the grin on his face, and didn’t bother trying. He immediately agreed, and got into the Uber that Rafael had booked that arrived a minute later. Although the two men were not touching, Sonny could feel sexual tension between them. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but still could feel his heart racing.

They got out of the Uber and headed up to Rafael’s apartment in silence, not speaking in the elevator, or as they headed down the corridor to his door.

Sonny entered the apartment and took off his coat and shoes, leaving them by the door. He walked over to the picture windows that graced one side of the living room, and stared out at the beautiful view of Manhattan.

He was still looking out when he felt the nudge of Rafael’s arm against his own and saw him stood next to him, holding out a glass.

“Wow, this is some view you have here, Rafael,” Sonny said, taking the glass from him and having a sip. He could tell the whiskey was expensive, and enjoyed the smoky taste.

“This is delicious, thank you.”

Rafael smiled, a genuine smile that Sonny had so rarely seen. In the dim lighting of the room, with just the lights from nearby buildings illuminating them and the distant glow from the hallway light, he felt the atmosphere was about as romantic as it could get. His stomach had butterflies in it, but he was determined to make the most of this moment.

He turned towards Rafael and with the hand not holding the glass, he pulled the older man closer. He didn’t resist, but took a step forward until they were in each other’s personal space. Sonny inhaled and could still smell the faint smell of Rafael’s aftershave, along with the male scent of the older man. His arousal increased.

He looked into Rafael’s eyes and saw the pupils blown, as the older man looked down at his lips then into his eyes again, with a slight smirk on his face, almost daring Sonny to act. So act he did.

He leaned forward and gently kissed Rafael, letting his lips linger on the older man’s, before moving them gently together. He pulled back and then kissed him again, with more confidence now, as he realized he wasn’t about to get rejected. He wound his hand in Rafael’s hair, stroking his fingers through the strands as he caressed his scalp. He heard a needy noise in the other man’s throat before he felt more pressure on his lips to open them, and then Rafael’s tongue as it darted out to caress his bottom lip.

He groaned and didn’t hold back any longer, but pulled the shorter man to him, tilting their heads to the right angle for them to kiss more deeply, and thrusting his tongue inside Rafael’s mouth. He felt Rafael’s arm on his back, moving down and pulling their hips together and gasped as he felt how hard they both were already.

They pulled away slowly, and met each other’s eyes again.

“How about we move this to the bedroom,” Rafael suggested, with huskiness in his voice that wasn’t usually there. Sonny felt his cock twitch at the sound, and readily agreed. He finished the rest of the whiskey on the way through the apartment, and left the glass on the kitchen counter as they walked past it.

***

When they entered the bedroom, Rafael put his glass down on the bedside cabinet as he turned on the light there, bathing the room in a warm glow. He turned back to look at Sonny, and smiled. He finally had the man he wanted in his bedroom.

He approached slowly, not wanting to rush the anticipation, and put his arms around the young detective, tilting his head up for another kiss. Sonny didn’t hesitate, and soon they were embroiled in a heated kiss that lasted for minutes until they pulled apart to breathe.

Rafael wasted no time in starting to undo Sonny’s vest, then his shirt, and felt his own being opened too. They shrugged out of their clothing, and Rafael pushed down his suspenders and also pulled off his undershirt, leaving them both bare-chested. They moved together again and reveled in the feeling of their bare flesh touching for the first time.

He pulled away again and knelt down, undoing Sonny’s belt and admiring the hard ridge he could see pressing against the crotch of his pants. He ran his hand down it, hearing the groan from the detective and then leaned forward, breathing onto it.

“Oh my God,” he heard muttered above him, and grinned wickedly. He opened the pants and pushed them down, and saw Sonny wearing boxer briefs, distended by the bulge inside them. He ran a hand around it, and again leaned in and breathed over the head. He knew Sonny would be able to feel the heat of his breath.  His mouth watered in anticipation, wanting to taste the younger man. His arousal increased, and he felt his pants digging into him. He wanted them off now. He could feel Sonny’s legs trembling, so backed off and stood up.

Sonny wasted no time in pulling Rafael to him, and the shorter man was soon engulfed by the detective, being kissed as he never had been before as he felt the younger man’s hands all over him. Slowly they pulled apart, and Sonny’s hands immediately dropped to undo the pants Rafael was wearing. They gave way quickly, and soon he too was wearing only boxers. Their erections brushed together; with only two thin layers of material between them, and Rafael pushed his thigh between Sonny’s to give them more leverage as they continued to kiss, this time thrusting against each other.

He could feel himself getting too turned on, too quickly, and moved back to leave some space between them. He walked backwards until he reached the bed and then sat down, beckoning Sonny forward. He didn’t hesitate to follow, and was quickly stood between Rafael’s legs. He couldn’t deny himself any longer and pulled the underwear down, leaning down to take the bobbing cock in his mouth. He heard a gasp from above, as a hand wove into his hair, not forcing him down, but just caressing him gently.

He circled the head of Sonny’s cock with his tongue before taking it back into his mouth and sucking gently, and then leant down to take more of the throbbing member into his mouth. He used one hand to hold the base of the cock and the other on his balls, caressing them gently before delving behind them to press on his perineum. Sonny groaned loudly and Rafael smiled to himself as he pulled off to breathe, and then all the way off to look up and see his lover’s face.

Sonny reached down to kiss him and then pulled him to his feet, running one hands down his back and over his ass, underneath the boxers he was wearing, which he used the other hand to get rid of. As soon as they were both naked, Rafael got on the bed, pulling Sonny to him for another passionate kiss.

He pulled away and got his breath back for a second before checking out his new lover. He could see Sonny’s pupils blown and his lips swollen from their kissing. His chest was heaving from the heavy make-out session and his cock was standing to attention.

“What is it that you want?” he asked Sonny, in a breathless voice.

“You, now,” was the reply.

He chuckled. “Yes, I guessed that. But how? What do you want to do? Any preferences?”

Sonny shook his head. “Anything, everything. I really don’t mind.”

Rafael thought for a minute. He wanted it all too, and who knew if he would get the chance to be with Sonny like this again. Despite what he had been told, he was still not convinced a relationship between them was what Sonny would want.

“I’m guessing by the fact that you carry two condoms that you have a good recovery time.”

The detective grinned. “Pretty good, yeah. Why? Do you want to make me come twice?”

“Definitely.” He reached up into his bedside cabinet and brought out a handful of condoms and a tube of lube. He heard Sonny laugh.   

“I don’t think we can use that many tonight, but I’m willing to try if you are.”

Rafael smirked. “Good. Do you know if you are clean? I know we are using condoms but…”

Sonny kissed him before replying. “Yes. I always have safe sex and have been tested. I’m clean. How about you?”

“I’m clean too, and usually have safe sex.” He didn’t mention Amanda as he thought it was best not to, and Sonny had listened to the audio, so already knew that they hadn’t used a condom at the club.

He started to push himself down the bed again but Sonny stopped him. “Wait. I thought we were using those condoms. If you go back down there I can’t promise to hold out much longer.”

Rafael stopped and kissed Sonny’s chest before replying in a low voice. “Well, I’ve fantasized for a long time about sucking you off, and feeling your come pulsing down my throat, so I don’t want to deny myself that pleasure any longer. Then I thought maybe you would let me fuck you. I want to bury myself inside that gorgeous ass of yours and feel your heat from the inside. By the time I’ve come, I’m sure you will have recovered enough to fuck me. I want to feel you inside me, filling me up, before I watch you fall apart again.”

Rafael looked into Sonny’s eyes and could see how much what he had said turned him on. His cock pulsed against his abdomen and he was speechless and gasping. He smirked. “I guess you like me talking dirty too,” he said. “Do you like that idea? Is that what you want?”

He watched Sonny nod his head before he heard his reply. “Yes please. I want that so much.”

He slinked down the bed again, lying on his stomach between Sonny’s trembling thighs. He caressed the tense muscles and then moved his hands together as he moved his head to lick the heavy ball sacks he was so close to. Sonny arched off the bed, only to be held down by a hand on his hip. Rafael continued by moving upwards, licking every inch of Sonny’s throbbing hard cock, before finally taking it into his mouth.

He moved to a good angle, and then took it further into his mouth, swallowing as it hit the back of his throat and continuing. He swallowed against the head he could feel in his throat, and reached up to grab one of Sonny’s hands to pull it to his groin. He pressed the trembling fingers against his neck, allowing Sonny to feel himself inside the throat of his lover.

Rafael swallowed again before pulling off to breathe, and then went down on him again, this time humming as he heard the moaning from above. Sonny didn’t hold out any longer than that and gasped out a warning as his back arched and he came hard, spurting down Rafael’s throat as he pulled off, so the last of the seed ended up in his mouth. He swallowed it before taking a gasping breath. God he loved doing that.

***

Sonny couldn’t believe it. He had never had such a strong orgasm before from a blow job. It took him a few minutes to be able to open his eyes, let alone move any of his limbs. When he could, he spread his legs further apart and raised one knee to expose his backside better, and passed down the tube of lube down the bed.

He looked down to see Rafael opening the tube, kneeling up with a big grin on his face, obviously feeling very pleased with himself. He gazed in adoration at his new lover, taking in the golden skin, the ample chest hair and large cock, standing to attention and ready to fill him.

He felt a finger circle around his entrance and then relaxed as it entered him. Although most of his relationships had been with women, he was no stranger to sex with men, and was very comfortable with this. Having just come, and knowing that it was the man he had wanted for years preparing to enter him, he had no trouble relaxing enough, and soon two and then three of the ADA’s long fingers that he had spent so long in court admiring, were pushing inside of him.

“Come on, I’m ready now,” Sonny told his lover, urging him to hurry up. He could see from the deep red color of his cock how much the older man was turned on, and he couldn’t wait any longer to feel it pushing inside him. He raised both legs and wrapped them round Rafael’s waist as the older man hastily put on a condom and smothered it in lube, and then got into position.

Sonny felt the blunt tip against his entrance and moved his hips upwards, deliberately pushing out as the older man pushed inwards, and feeling every inch enter his body and fill him up. He moaned and pulled Rafael closer, looking into his eyes as he settled heavily on top of him. He reached up to kiss his lover, using his tongue to chase out every last bit of semen he could still taste in his lover’s mouth.

“Move, please,” he murmured, caressing Rafael’s back and tensing his legs for traction so he could raise his hips. He heard his lover moan his name as he finally started to thrust slowly in and out. Sonny moved his position gradually and so did Rafael and it only took a minute before they found the perfect angle. Sonny gasped as he felt a direct hit to his prostate, and saw Rafael’s smirk as he aimed in the same direction again. Now every thrust was stimulating his pleasure point. Although he wouldn’t come again so soon, with every move he could feel pleasure radiating through him. He arched into the sensation and watched Rafael’s face as the arousal increased in it. He could see the pleasure his lover was getting and pulled him closer for a kiss, before pulling away to nibble at his earlobe.

“God, you feel so good. Your cock is so big and is hitting me inside just right. I want to feel you explode inside me, and fill me with your come. That’s it, harder, faster, I want to feel you every time I sit down for days, and remember how good it feels right now with you inside me.” Sonny could see that dirty talk was just as big a turn on for Rafael as it was for him, and he grinned.  The proper ADA who always used formal language in the court room despite discussing sex, was a sucker for dirty talk in the bedroom. He loved the contrast.    

He felt Rafael’s rhythm falter and looked in his face to see it convulsing with pleasure. He squeezed his ass muscles together and saw his lover’s mouth open in a silent scream as he came, thrusting hard inside him one last time before collapsing on top of him.

Sonny laughed and turned them both on their sides so he wasn’t being crushed by the weight of his lover, and waited for him to recover. The direct action of all that prostate stimulation was already having an effect and he could feel himself starting to stir again. He held Rafael closely in his arms, enjoying the closeness, and waited for him to respond. He’d come hard and it took a few minutes.

Sonny felt Rafael pull away to withdraw and remove the condom before he turned back to Sonny.

“Are you okay? I got a bit rough there at the end.” Sonny could see the concern in his eyes and hastened to reassure his lover.

“I’m fine. I’ll probably be a bit sore for a bit as it’s a while since I last did that, but it was definitely worth it.” He bit off what he wanted to say; knowing now was not the time for him to be revealing how he felt about his lover, not when they hadn’t even discussed what was happening between them.

“How about you? Do you still want me to fuck you? I don’t have to.” Sonny really wanted to be inside his lover, but was also happy to go along with whatever Rafael wanted.

Rafael arched his eyebrows up. “Yes I still want you, but only if you are sure you’re up to it. We can wait until tomorrow if you would rather do that, or later if you need longer to recover.”

Sonny grinned. He liked the idea of tomorrow. “No, I don’t want to wait.”

Rafael smiled. “Good.” Sonny felt his lover’s hand circling his groin. “Hmm. Getting there already. That’s pretty fast recovery. I can see I’ll need to get myself some Viagra to keep up with you.”

He chuckled as he reached for another condom and the lube. It definitely sounded as if Rafael was thinking long-term about them. He scooted down the bed until he was lying between Rafael’s thighs, and pushed his legs up to expose his entrance. Sonny could see the enticing pucker and leaned further in to kiss it, and then lick around it. He heard a gasp from Rafael.

“God, that feels good. It’s been so long since anyone did that, I’d forgotten how great it is.”

Sonny set to work, and within minutes Rafael was opening up, first to his tongue, and then to his fingers when he inserted one and then two. He thrust them hard into his lover, crooking them inside to find his prostate. Again he heard and saw the reaction that told him how much his lover was enjoying this, despite being spent.

By the time Rafael was fully open and taking three of Sonny’s fingers, Sonny was fully hard again. He stroked his cock, taking in the enticing sight of his lover lying there waiting for him, and then put on the condom. Slicking it with the remaining lube from his fingers, he got himself into position above his lover, seeing Rafael position a pillow under his hips.

“I’m not as young and flexible as you are. This will help,” he explained. Sonny nodded. Whatever worked was fine by him. He caught the eye of his lover and gazed into the deep green depths as he slowly pushed inside, watching his face for any signs of discomfort or pain. He didn’t see any. He slowly pulled out then thrust in again, equally slowly, enjoying the sensations as he felt himself surrounded by the tight heat of his lover’s body.

Soon this wasn’t enough though, for either of them, and they gradually speeded up their pace, with Sonny finding the right angle to hit Rafael’s prostate and giving him this stimulation on each thrust. Despite already having come once, he knew he wasn’t going to last. He had been on his own for too long, and this was too good for him to keep going. He allowed himself to speed up and thrust harder, being encouraged by every movement of his lover.

He thrust twice more then went rigid, pulsing deep inside his lover, and watching his face as he did so. He could see Rafael smiling, and moaned his name as he relaxed again, lying bonelessly on him. It took Sonny long minutes to recover enough to remove the condom, and then Rafael went to the bathroom and brought back a warm washcloth and gently removed all traces of lube and sweat from them before throwing it at the laundry basket and getting back into bed.

Sonny found himself tucked into Rafael’s side. Even in his wildest dreams, he had never expected this to happen. Now he had him, he had no intention of letting him go. He tightened his arms around his new lover before he allowed himself to drift to sleep.

***

In the morning, Rafael was the first to wake up, and he gazed down at the lover by his side, still deep in sleep. He compared the night he had just had with the one he had shared with Amanda a few weeks ago. He knew it was crass to make comparisons, but he did it anyway. While he had enjoyed both nights with the detectives, and the sex had been great with both of them, what he had shared with Sonny was so much more than just sex. He cared deeply for the younger man, and could happily see himself with him for the rest of his life. He enjoyed sex with women, but would gladly give that up to keep this lover at his side. He just hoped Sonny felt the same way. Despite what both Amanda and Liv had told him, he still had his doubts that he could hold on to a young attractive man like Sonny.

He was watching Sonny’s face when he woke up, and saw the delight on his face when he realized where he was and who he was with. That reassured him. Sonny immediately reached up to kiss him, and they stayed in bed kissing for a long time, allowing the passion to slowly build before they took it further.

Rafael wrapped both their cocks in his fingers and stared into his lover’s eyes as he slowly jerked them off, allowing their pre-come to gather on his thumb before he spread it down them to help his hand move more easily. The slow pace didn’t last long though, and they both strained to reach their completion, unable to kiss any more, but just gasp into each other’s mouths, sharing breath as they came apart in each other’s arms.

Clean up was not as thorough this time, using tissues as a temporary measure before they had the strength to get up and shower.

Rafael was just thinking he should move when he saw the serious look on Sonny’s face.

“What’s that look for?” he asked his lover.

Sonny smiled at him, and then asked hesitantly, “So this has been great, but we haven’t talked at all about what’s happening between us. I know you had just one night with Amanda, but is that what you want from me too? Is that why you wanted us to do so much last night?”

Rafael was shocked that Sonny would have even thought that.

“No way. I wanted to remove the bad memories for Amanda, and us spending the night together felt the right way to do that, but that’s all there was to it. She’s great, and we had fun, but I don’t feel anything for her beyond friendship. I don’t want anything more from her.” He could see that Sonny understood that.

“You are completely different. I’ve wanted you for a long time, and don’t see that changing any time soon. If one night would be all you are willing to give me then I would accept it, but that’s not what I want. I want every night with you, for as long as you will have me. I care about you and want a relationship with you, not just sex or friendship, but the whole package.”

Rafael could see tears in Sonny’s eyes as he spoke, and as a man who read people for a living, he could read the emotions as they passed over his face – relief, affection, even love. It’s what gave him the courage to speak his mind and say what he was feeling, something he rarely did. But he wanted Sonny to feel sure of him, confident of his place in Rafael’s life.

Sonny reached over and kissed Rafael tenderly, before pulling back.

“Me too.”

Rafael pretended to look disgruntled. “That’s it? I pour out my heart to you and just get two words in return. You can do better than that!”

He saw Sonny role his eyes and grin before he leaned down to kiss him again.

“How about three words. I love you.”

Rafael stilled as he heard the words he had always hoped to hear from this man. Tears welled up in his own eyes and he felt speechless at the emotion welling up in him.

“I love you too,” he said, gazing into Sonny’s eyes, before pulling him in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for bearing with me with this fic. I promise I will try not to write another mixed pairing fic (although I said that after Helping Sonny!). I have 2 Barisi fics finished that just need editing, so will post those soon.


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